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Category: Anne Mercier
Today another author had a post on her blog about depression and her battle. It’s a battle we never win, but she’s inspired me to tell you all my story. Here goes.
The last four months have been dark ones for me. Very dark and lonely… even though I’m surrounded by so many people. One mistake triggered the darkness, my ugly depression that’s haunted me since a very young age.
It’s felt as if one mistake has turned me into a failure, one mistake has damaged the self-esteem I worked so hard to get, one mistake has taken so much from me I can no longer see the light. Throw in newly diagnosed illnesses and “friends” erasing you from their lives, and *ding ding ding* depression is the winner. Depression amplified every negative feeling at least ten-fold.
Now, I’m good at putting on a brave face, pretending to be what and who I’m supposed to be. This time I couldn’t even do that. I haven’t wanted to do all the things that make me happy: talk with you all, read, and, most importantly, write. The stories are there, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to rest my hands on the keyboard and bring them to life. I’ve wanted to sleep, binge watch Netflix and forget about everything…I’ve wanted to be numb. It’s easier to feel nothing than to feel the pain.
The writer’s retreat I went on? It’s pulled the string on the blinds and the light is starting to creep in. It’s shown me that I’m not alone in this. It’s not just me. Depression is a bitch and she is not my friend. She’s no one’s friend. She’s a weakness we can’t control, one that drags us down into nothingness and makes us stay there whether we want to or not.
Now comes the hard part–the crawling toward the light, inch by inch, until I’m able to step into the sun, step into life, tilting my head back, my face raised to the sky, arms spread wide open, as I embrace the happiness again. That’s going to take some time, but I hope I’ll be able to give you all the words again soon. I hope I’ll be able to stand in the sun soon. But, until then, please continue to be patient with me. It helps me, so much, to know you all are there.
If depression has you and she’s trying to choke you, I feel your pain; but, please, don’t let her win. Fight. We’ll all be standing right beside you anytime you need us.
I often get asked on how I see Jesse, what is voice sounds like, etc. This is the perfect example of how I see Jesse Kingston from Falling Down. The voice, the tattoos, the piercings, shades, but a bit taller at 6′ 3″
Let me answer your questions. I keep getting a lot of them.
- Is it out? No, I’m afraid not.
- When will it be coming out? I’m not sure right now.
- You said it was coming out in July. Where is it?
I sent a message out in my newsletter on June 12th explaining what’s going on. I’d like to ask you to subscribe so you can be up to date on releases, etc., and to find out important information like this. SUBSCRIBE HERE
I’ve been diagnosed with stage 3A kidney disease and I also had a kidney infection as well. My infection cleared up but I’m learning to manage my disease with diet and supplements so it’s taking a great deal time. Just when I think I have the hang of it, something new pops up and messes up my lab numbers. There is no quick cure for kidney disease, unfortunately.
I won’t lie. I’m exhausted. Like, all the time. I could sleep 24/7 if allowed.
I’m not looking for pity or sympathy. I’m just filling you in on why the books are delayed. If I’m not healthy, I can’t write…and right now, I’m not healthy.
Thanks for understanding ♥
☔️☂️☔️ The Way Duet ☔️☂️☔️
(The Way Back To Me & The Way With You)
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BN: Coming soon
©2016 Anne Mercier
Tomorrow I’m officially moving to Prospect, New York—alone. Moving without the Fab Five is something that scares me down to my soul, but like Mrs. Davidson said, they would want me to go—to keep going.
They’d all be disappointed in my behavior since… the accident. I know it and they know I know it. I feel them watching me sometimes.
Sometimes I think I can smell Danny—that scent of his Old Spice body wash. I grin as I remember teasing him about Old Spice. I told him my grandpa wore Old Spice. He told me to keep being a smartass because as soon as he was done showering I’d be eating my words—and I was. That body wash worked with his body chemistry so well, it was sexy as hell. Needless to say I never teased him about it again, just inhaled the scent of him as often as possible.
I lift up Danny’s football jersey and breathe in his scent. It’s faded, but it’s there and his. I slip the jersey over my head, pretending the fabric surrounding my body is his arms, his body—him. I wrap my arms around myself and rock back and forth, biting my lip and blinking rapidly to hold back the tears threatening to spill.
“Are you all packed?” my mom asks from the doorway.
I look up and nod.
“Do you have everything you need? We can make a run to the store if you’re missing anything.”
“I have everything, mom. And then some.”
She grins. “Well, you can’t blame a mother for wanting to make sure her baby girl has what she needs.”
“I’ll have enough body wash for the entire year,” I tease, relaxing my arms a little.
Mom walks over and sits beside me on the bed. “Then that’s one less thing I have to worry about.”
I’m not sure what to say. I know she worries and I can’t blame her, but… I sigh.
“Mom, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be okay.” Somehow I’ll find a way to be okay.
“Of course you will,” she agrees, so confident in those words I almost believe them. “That’s not why I’m worried. A mother will always worry about her children, no matter how young or old, near or far, and you’re going to be a long way from Destiny, North Carolina.”
I nod. “But it’s only a phone call, and we’ll Skype and Facetime.”
“We will, but it’s not the same as having you physically here where I can wrap my arms around you.”
That’s the truth. That’s exactly how I feel about Danny in this moment. I have his scent and his shirt, memories and love in my heart, but he’s not here anymore. None of them are. Cassidy would be here right now, reassuring me about how we’ll all fit in perfectly at Prospect University and that I’m freaking out for nothing. Phillip would be crude, talking about all the chicks he’s going to “bang”—which would have been as many as he could. Simon would have found a way to make us all laugh about the scariest things, and I would have hugged and loved everyone until we all found our calm.
Now it’s just me.
But I can do this.
Maybe if I tell myself that enough times, I’ll actually start to believe it.
As you all know, the book has been delayed. As a courtesy to you all so I won’t disappoint you again, I won’t set a date until it’s in the hands of my editor. Then and only then will I post an announcement of the release date. Sorry for any confusion.
I want to assure you, I’m working diligently on Xander and Tera’s book… and it shouldn’t be too much longer.
Thanks for your patience.
As for my health, the kidney infection is finally gone. Whew. It makes a difference in my day-to-day energy level and if I could, I’d dance a jig… but that’d suck all the energy for the day lol I’d rather spend that on writing. Things are slow with kidney disease and there’s minimal improvement in my numbers but, as my doctor said, it’s going to take time. I want so much to get back on track and not be so exhausted all the time… I’m figuring it out with diet, medication, vitamins and supplements so, again, that takes time. But I will figure it out! I promise.
You’ve all been so amazing and supportive of me… I’m gonna give you something in return.
XANDER: Book 2, The Present
(Rockstar Book 10)
©2017 Anne Mercier
“I just wanted to force her to talk to me. To look at me. To feel me. Me! Xan. Her husband. Not the drummer for Falling Down. Not the fucked up kid who pushed her away. I wanted her to see me, the man who loved her with every breath he took. She got so upset, I left. But I went back the next day. And the next. I brought her candy. Flowers. I wrote her poems. I wrote her love letters. Finally, I just went there… with just me. I’d knock on the door and she’d answer… I’d kiss her softly and whisper how much I loved her. Then I’d leave.”
“But you went back,” Nicole sighs wistfully.
“Every. Single. Day.”
“For how long?” Summer asks.
“As long as it took.”
Summer frowns. “For what?”
“For her to say it back. It was then she saw me. She felt me. We worked through all of our shit and I saw her as much as I could, we talked every day, but when Lucy married Jesse, I saw what I was missing with Tera. I wanted that. I wanted it every day. So I asked her to come to me on Christmas three years ago. She didn’t answer. I asked her again the year before this last one and she said yes. I’ve been waiting and she’s been working damn hard to overcome—everything. All of it. She’s almost there. We’ve still got some work to do, but I have no doubt in my mind she’ll be there soon,” I tell them, then sit back in the chair, finally seeing them. There are mixed expressions. Grief. Sadness. Wistfulness. Determination. Anger—Sera’s so angry. I know we’ll be having a talk later, likely with Batman as well.
✮ (¸.•´✶ (¸.•`✯ FALLING DOWN
? THE ROCKSTAR SERIES (BOOK 1) ?
I was twelve when I started crushing on him.
I was seventeen when I met him by chance and our connection was made.
Now here I am, twenty-three, and I’m one of the two actresses in the video for his band’s latest single.
Jesse Kingston is a tall, dark, and gorgeous temptation I’m finding hard to resist. It ends up not being as simple as doing a job and going home. It can’t be when he continually makes his presence known with his not-so-innocent touches and sexy words. There is no avoiding him and after spending so much time with him, I’m not sure I want to.
So, when he proposes a weekend together, knowing I should say no, I throw caution to the wind and instead I say yes. I’m going to ignore the warning signs and do what I normally wouldn’t–I’m going to give in to my desire. I’m going to indulge my fantasies and give this sexy rocker what he wants and something he won’t forget–me.
The only question is: Is one weekend going to be enough? Will our time end up changing this bad boy? Or will it end up changing me?
DISCLAIMER This book contains remnants of a teenage crush. A straight-laced Hollywood actress. A sexy bad boy rockstar. Rockers who live and breathe sarcasm and sexual innuendos. Explicit wild monkey sex and dirty talk. Graphic language, frequent dropping of the F bomb, career changes, bossy parents, panty ripping, and rock n’ roll. Not for the faint of heart.
HEAT LEVEL: WHITE HOT.
Here’s a bit of the Q & A that’s going on right now. Here are the links to the pages and to the question form if you’re interested in asking any questions.
IF YOU WANT TO ASK MORE QUESTIONS…
Questions form http://bit.ly/2qK73Cm
I am wondering if you have any plans for more truth books or the way books?
Yes!!! I have plans for more Truths books! I have been wanting to write them so badly lately. I just need to get through Xander Book 2, Jamming With Xan, Refrain (Ethan’s story) and Harmony (Jesse and Lucy novella going in a Rocker anthology)… then I should have time to get to the Truths series books. I’m anxious to write Jackson and Emme’s story.
The Way books… I have some planned for the future but I’m not sure when. I have so many books to write and so little time!
What are you working on next?
Xander: Book 2, The Present (Rockstar Book 10).
Then Jamming With Xan (Rockstar Book 11)
Then Refrain (Rockstar Book 12)
Then Harmony (Rockstar Book 13)
It’s a Rockstar year, it seems, though I’d like to try to squeeze at least one book from a different series in there.
When is Whispered Truths sequel coming out? Dying here…
Discovered Truths… I’m going to try to release in 2018.
What other series do you have planned?
It’s a long, long list. I’m going to include single-titles here as well because, well, they may end up turning into more than one book. You know how I am with series. The Rockstar series was supposed to be 5 books. Hahaaha… it’s now planned to be 20+
ALL SERIES AND TITLES
1 Falling Down Jesse and Lucy
2 Blush Jesse and Lucy
2.5 A Very Xander Christmas
3 Amplify – Sera and Cage
4 Interlude – Jesse & Lucy, Cage & Sera
5 Ballad – Ben and Nicole
6 Lullabye – Jesse and Lucy
6.5 A Very Xander Christmas 2
7 Kadence – Jace and Summer
8 A Very Xander Christmas 3
9 Xander Part 1
10 Xander Part 2
11 Jamming With Xan
12 Refrain (Ethan)
13 Harmony – Rocker Antho
14 Anthem – A&F Christmas Antho
15 A Very Xander Christmas 4
16 Serenade (Cage and Sera novella)
17 Strings (Kennedy)
18 Riff (Joey)
19 Melody (Meggie)
20 An Encore and A Prelude
The Way Back To Me
The Way With You
The Way It Goes
The Way I Want
The Way I Am
An Encore & A Prelude
Fire It Up
A Little Spark
Burn It Down
Everything For You
Without A Plan
The Trouble With Never
YA SECRET SOCIETY SERIES
ONLY HALF SERIES
Xander: Book 1, The Beginning
Rockstar Book 9
We met at the age of eight. That day on the playground was a turning point in my life. She stole my heart with just a glance as she sang off key.
But nothing’s perfect.
I figured out pretty quickly she was too good for me, so I let her go.
I thought I was doing the right thing–until I realized I wasn’t. She was my everything and without her I was nothing.
When we reunited, my heart became whole. My life had meaning. We loved fiercely and completely. Life was perfect.
The more success I gain with Falling Down, the further away I’m pulled from Tera. But she gains success of her own, and the distance grows immeasurably.
She wants me to live my dreams and I want the same for her. We both know our love is strong enough to survive time and distance.
Then the unthinkable happens and nothing will ever be the same again.